after the interview

After each interviews, interviewer, most of the the time, will write interview reports. Interview reports are very important. Each human is unique in its own way. There are millions of human in this world. So understanding all of them is impossible. But, we could understand certain behavior of them through our interview reports. Sometimes people act something because of the same reason and we can easily compare the behavior with our past interview report. Our past experience will help us in the future. That's why writing interview report is something that must never be forgotten by interviewer.

Through each interview, we learn valuable new things. This is why we need to write our reflection about each interview we did. How is the interview going? Does the interviewer do good? Does the interviewer make a terrible mistake? Is there anything unique that occur during the interview? Does the interview learn a new experience through the interview? If an interviewer makes a mistake, then he or she should simply fix it in the next interview. Through each of our interview reports, we learn our progress as interviewer. We can compare how much information we retrieve in our current interview process with the past ones. Interview reports shows our growth.

Lastly, we need to remember that interviewing technique increases through each of their interview experience. So from each interview, we, as interviewer, need to learn new things. Don't forget to write the report :)

losing desire

Losing sexual desire is something that might frighten married couples, especially if it occur in early marriage stage. In most case, it's woman that loses her sexual desire. It is not a very surprising thing because woman's sexual desire is much more complex then man. The importance of psychological factor makes building up woman's sexual desire much more difficult. Romantic situation is very important for building up woman's sexual desire. Minimum stress and positive emotion also give a lot of contribution towards woman's sexual desire. A positive communication between husband and wife is also important.

Low testosterone may explain why women have harder time building up their sexual desire. It is said that testosterone is a powerful hormone that has something to do with sexual desire. The reason why women need more time building up their sexual desire is maybe because women have lower testosterone. That is why probably psychological factor becomes more important for women. This phenomenon could maybe be explained through evolutionary psychology. Risk of pregnancy makes women more careful in choosing the men they have sex with. So, this is why woman needs man that truly love them and is willing to show their effort to the woman, for example in fulfilling psychological needs.

Few months ago, I read an article that criticize the diagnosis criteria of hypoactive sexual desire disorder. In the article, it is said that women suffer from that diagnosis criteria. The diagnosis criteria pathologize women's lost of sexual desire.  Actually, if we look in a different perspective, then in most case the problem actually comes from the husbands. Husbands low effort in building up their sexual desire is actually the main problem. The husbands never realize the importance of fulfilling their wives' psychological needs in order for them to build up sexual desire.

Sexual intercourse before building up sexual desire is a very uncomfortable thing. Imagine if you have a work to do, but the problem is you don't enjoy it at all and you need to do it over and over again. The same happen towards wives. They are forced to have sex before building enough sexual desire and this happen over and over again. It is not surprising that this will discourage women to have sex in the future. This is probably why women are losing sexual desire.

So, before visiting the doctor or psychologist or therapist because of your wives' absence of sexual desire, it would be a better idea for husbands to first check themselves. Are there any effort to fulfill their wives' psychological needs before sexual intercourse? If not then start giving them or if it's not enough try more variations. Like I said before great sex needs great love. Great love needs intimacy, passion and commitment. So, husbands start giving love to your wives if you don't want them to hate sex. In both love and sex, partners need to give a lot of effort.

vasectomy what????

Vasectomy is a simple surgery process that involves cutting or most of the tying up vas deferens duct, a part of male a reproduction organ. Sperms won't be able to reach semen because they are not able to pass through vas deferens duct, that has been cut or tied. Semen, that doesn't contain any sperms, won't be able to fertilize female's ovum. In Indonesia, vasectomy is one of the contraception procedure that is supported by the government. According to Indonesia Family Planning, vasectomy has a very small chance to cause post-surgery complication compared to tubectomy procedure, that was done to females. This is why vasectomy is considered the best and safest contraception procedure.

Sadly, vasectomy is not very famous among males because of its negative stigma that mostly aren't true. Few men considered vasectomy the same thing as castration. Although, it's two vastly different things. In vasectomy, there are almost no external organ surgery, except cutting the skin near the vas deferens duct that have almost no negative effect. Some men also felt that vasectomy might reduce sexual desire. This is a wrong statement because vasectomy won't have any negative effect towards testosterone, the sexual drive hormone for men. So, giving comprehensive information about vasectomy to men is a very important thing. After understanding about vasectomy procedure, we hope that more male will be more willing to go through vasectomy procedure.

It is important to realize that men are able to participate, not only women. Although, women have more options for contraceptive procedure, women's contraceptive procedures have more negative drawbacks. So, brace yourself man and be a gentleman. If it is possible, then do vasectomy. Vasectomy has the lowest chance of causing pregnancy. It is also widely known that a lot of men feel uncomfortable using condoms.  But, by doing vasectomy, you can still enjoy sex intercourse.

In conclusion, we need to realize that contraception procedure is a process that needs a lot of consideration. We need to consider our conditions and needs. So, in most case contraception counselling is needed for couples that want to go through any kinds of contraception procedure. Contraception procedure has a lot of positive effects to prevent population booming. So, by going through contraception procedure, we are supporting Family Planning program.

we have different experience

Humans are made through their life experiences. Our behaviors, even the most erratic ones, are molded by daily life activities. Some people might experience the same events, but others could experience vastly different things. Sometimes, they will be involved in something that most people will never experience. We need to remember that even if someone had a same experience, they can precept that experience differently. How we precept stuff is also affected by our past experience. So, experience and perception are things that go along together. Genetics, of course, also have important contribution, but in this blog post we will talk more about the importance of understanding client's history in psychological healing process.

Psychological disorders or abnormal behaviors don't occur suddenly without any good reason, for example post-traumatic stress disorder usually occur after traumatic experience. It becomes very important for psychologist to know and understand the clients' experiences and how they affect their current behavior. There's a lot of stuff that we need to talk about when we interview the client, such as the client's family, friends, habit, daily life activities, past trauma, and many more. After gathering this information, a psychologist could gain in insight what cause the clients' abnormal behaviors. For example, after checking the client's family background, a psychologist knew that she was a physical abuse victim. The psychologist realized that her past experience, as an abuse victim, could be the explanation for her current abusive behavior as a mother. That's why Madam Henny said that as psychologist we need at least one meeting to gain all kinds of information about the client's history. The information will help the psychologist on interpreting the client's behavior and psychotherapy process after knowing the reason.

Understanding the client's history is also an important thing. Imagine, one day, as psychologist, you meet a client that told her she want to die because she broke up from her boyfriend after dating only for three months. Honestly, I feel that it is a very simple problem because you're not yet married to him. Sometimes, it feels very weird to see clients that needs help for a very simple problem. There are so many bigger problems in the world. How is it possible for the client to solve bigger problems if they need help a psychologist for a "simple" problem? We, as psychologist, need to realize that everyone have a different perception. A "simple" problem for a person might be a disaster for the others. Generalizing perception is a very dangerous mistake to occur during interview process. It is important for psychologist not to be so judgmental towards the client. It is very important for us to be neutral during the interview process.

In conclusion, we, humans, are created through genetic process. At the same time, we grew up and experience a lot of things. Genetic process and experience could help us know the reason of our behavior. So, it is very important for psychologist to know about the client's history. But, simply knowing is not enough, we need to understand the client's perception. Knowing the client's history and understanding their perception are two main weapons for psychologist to help them grow up and become a better person.

akhir dari suatu pernikahan

Pada kesempatan ini, saya terpaksa menulis dalam bahasa Indonesia karena kesibukan yang saya alami akhir-akhir ini.

Pada tulisan ini, saya ingin membahas tentang suatu fenomena yang mungkin akan lebih sering terjadi di masa depan nanti yaitu perceraian. Pernikahan tentu tidak selamanya merupakan suatu happy ending seperti dongeng-dongeng. Konflik yang terjadi di dalamnya karena berbagai faktor, misalnya kesibukan rumah tangga, ketidakcocokan pemikiran, kekerasan rumah tangga, dan masih banyak faktor lainnya, dapat perlahan-lahan menghilangkan kehangatan dalam suatu pernikahan. Cinta yang perlahan-lahan dingin dan tidak diusahakan lebih lanjut berujung pada kehilangan cinta sepenuhnya terhadap pasangan.

Perceraian sering menjadi jawaban untuk mengatasi permasalahan ini. Menurut Bu Henny, perceraian jarang sekali terjadi di Indonesia karena stigma negatif yang menyertainya hal ini terkait dengan faktor religiusitas. Hampir seluruh agama di dunia melarang atau tidak menganjurkan terjadinya perceraian karena anggapan bahwa pernikahan adalah suatu hubungan yang diresmikan oleh Tuhan dan tidak boleh diputuskan begitu saja oleh manusia. Hal ini menyebabkan, khususnya di Indonesia yang religiusitasnya masih kuat, yang lebih sering terjadi adalah perpisahan (tinggal berjauhan dari pasangan) karena dianggap tidak melanggar ajaran agama dan juga dapat menjauhkan seorang individu dari pasangannya.

Akan tetapi, seiring dengan perkembangan zaman dan mulai melunturnya nilai-nilai keagamaan, kita tentu tidak dapat menghindari terjadi fenomena perceraian. Menurut beberapa artikel yang saya baca sebelumnya terjadi peningkatan angka perceraian di Indonesia dan semakin banyak tuntutan perceraian berasal dari perempuan. Kita tidak dapat memungkiri bahwa semakin terjaminnya hak-hak dan pendidikan perempuan akan mendorong seorang perempuan untuk semakin berani bercerai. Anggapan bahwa tingkat pendidikan perempuan akan meningkatkan kemungkinan untuk bercerai tidak dapat dipandang negatif seperti pendapat seorang anggota kelompok presentasi. Hal ini justru adalah suatu hal yang positif karena hal ini berarti bahwa perempuan tersebut makin sadar bahwa ketika memang tidak mampu dipertahankan mengapa harus tetap dipertahankan. Hal yang sangat tidak masuk akal untuk bertahan dalam pernikahan yang penuh dengan kekerasan dalam rumah tangga.

Perceraian memang suatu hal yang menyedihkan untuk terjadi. Akan tetap, jauh lebih baik bagi seorang anak untuk berada dalam suatu keluarga single parent daripada tinggal dengan keluarga lengkap yang penuh dengan konflik. Namun, ingat bahwa keputusan perceraian harus dipikirkan dengan matang-matang karena dapat mengubah kehidupan beberapa manusia sekaligus, termasuk pasangan dengan anak-anaknya.

attraction: scientific style

Attraction is a very mysterious thing to us humans. It is so mysterious that scientists really work hard to reveal the mystery behind it. One of the biggest questions is why are we attracted to a certain person and most of the time we are attracted to handsome and beautiful person. A documentary, that I watched during the last week's Sexual Behavior class, has revealed the answer that big question. Honestly, the documentary is so similar to the documentary that I watched during the Female Psychology class last semester. It almost explain the exact thing, there's only subtle differences between them. Actually, I'm not really that interested in writing my opinion again since you can simply just check my old stuff. But, because there's an assignment, I am forced to rewrite my opinion. That's not a really genuine reason to write to be honest.

The main point about the documentary that I watched at both class is we are attracted to good looking person because it's a reproduction strategy. So, the thing is we humans want to have perfect offspring and attractive face provide a clue towards good genes. Why? Because if you have an attractive face that means when you're still in your mother's belly, you probably grew up without any abnormalities. No virus, no bacteria, no alcohol, no poison, nothing dangerous that could harm you and not to forget probably also no inherited disease. Abnormalities during pregnancy could harm the baby's body and automatically ruin their genes. So, it might be a good idea for mothers to be very careful during pregnancy.

Actually, this is not a very surprising thing. Almost everyone in the world know that person with attractive face will have a beautiful offspring. There are so many examples around us, look at David and Victoria Beckham! Do you see how handsome and beautiful their children are? It is quite clear that those kids don't have any weird disease that might harm them. So, attractive face might be a strong predictor for healthy offspring.

This documentary also explain that women have to make sure their mate have enough money to protect them, especially during pregnancy. We know that women are vulnerable during pregnancy and would find it very difficult to work. They need resourceful men to protect and help them. Raising children is not an easy job and needs a lot of cash. This is why women must consider their partners' resource, specifically economic resource, when choosing their mate. They also usually consider their partners' personality. A bad father is of course dangerous for their children.

Well, that's all the documentaries were generally talking about. In my opinion, this quite makes sense for  me because the most important thing is that I want my children to be at least as tall me as me. That's why I really want to have a tall girl as my wife. Short girls how beautiful they are most of the time turn me off. But, choosing your future husband and wife sometimes doesn't always have to do with their outer appearance. Inner beauty is a very important component, too. Good personality is very important thing. It's a hell to have a wife as beautiful as Miss Universe if she has horrible personality.

In conclusion, if you have a beautiful wife with a great personality, then be grateful of what you have. If her appearance is not that great, then thank God women have make up.

"There are no ugly women, only lazy ones." - Helena Rubinstein

silence is golden?

I think almost everyone knows about the meaning of "silence is golden" quote, but it is very difficult to do it in our daily life. We simply just love talking, we want other people to understand what are we thinking currently. We want to convey our feelings to them. We want to show other people that we're smart and intelligent by telling them information that we have currently. This all can be done through talking. Sometimes, people felt that they're a dumb person when they decided not to talk. There's a lot of negative attribution to silence, including in interview process.

In interviewing, especially in clinical setting, silence is considered a threat to the whole process. One of my greatest fears is that one day, as a psychologist, I have to meet clients that decided not to talk at all because they feel so embarrassed about their problems. If I couldn't make the client start talking, then I feel that the whole interviewing process has failed. I couldn't get any information from them to be discuss. Also, it's impossible to discuss anything with the client because he or she doesn't want to talk! How am I supposed to do? Let them to keep their silence?

Last Monday, I learned a valuable lesson from Madam Henny during the Interviewing Technique class. She told us that psychologist can show their empathy to the client's problem through silence. A warm glance to the client's eyes, a caring smile, and a genuine feeling to help the client is very important in interviewing process. In my opinion, the client could feel if the psychologist's feelings are genuine or not. Almost every human being, except probably psychopaths, have some sort of antenna that can pick up other people's feelings. And we need to remember that we could only share our deepest and most embarrassing secrets to the people we trust. If through the silence process the client feels that the psychologist is untrustworthy, then they will decide to keep silence.

The client will start talking when they feel much safer. They feel much safer when they know that the psychologist is there to help them. But sure, it would take a lot of time because sharing a dark secret is not an easy thing to do. So, it is very important to show through your face that you really care about their distress. I think it is important for us to practice how to smile and glance, especially as psychologist, you have to show a caring smile and warm glance even in the worst condition.

So the conclusion is quite simple silence is golden, even in interviewing process. We need to remember that empathy still could be felt and shown even in silence.

interviewing in workplace and school setting

Wawancara adalah suatu hal yang tidak mungkin terpisahkan dari bidang ilmu psikologi karena alasan-alasan dari munculnya suatu perilaku dari seorang individu hanya dipahami oleh individu itu sendiri. Proses wawancara harus dilakukan untuk memahami pemikiran individu tersebut. Hal ini menyebabkan wawancara juga tidak terpisahkan dari psikologi industri dan organisasi serta psikologi pendidikan, yang merupakan bagian dari pengaplikasian psikologi dalam kehidupan sehari-hari. Psikologi industri dan organisasi dapat didefinisikan sebagai prinsip-prinsip psikologi yang diterapkan dalam kegiatan organisasi, khususnya kegiatan organisasi di dunia kerja. Psikologi pendidikan adalah penerapan prinsip-prinsip psikologi dalam dunia pendidikan, sehingga tentu akan lebih banyak diterapkan pada latar sekolah.

Wawancara dalam psikologi industri dan organisasi umumnya digunakan untuk proses seleksi dan penempatan karyawan. Hal ini terkait dengan prinsip psikologi bahwa kompetensi individu harus disesuaikan dengan jabatan yang akan dijalaninya. Wawancara berperan untuk menggali kompetensi individu tersebut, sehingga diharapkan kinerja individu tersebut benar-benar maksimal saat bekerja nantinya. Keberadaan tes bakat, minat, inteligensi, dan tes-tes formal dan informal lainnya tidak dapat menggantikan sepenuhnya peran wawancara karena maraknya kebocoran tes psikologis saat ini. Kebocoran tes dapat menyebabkan individu memahami cara kerja tes. Selanjutnya, individu melakukan faking good saat menjawab tes tersebut. Sehingga, hanya wawancara dapat menggali informasi mengenai individu lebih dalam dan lebih "murni" dari kebohongan individu.

Wawancara juga bersifat sangat fleksibel dan dapat dilakukan secara informal, khususnya dalam latar dunia pekerjaan. Berdasarkan informasi yang saya peroleh dari salah satu kelompok, seorang psikolog melakukan proses wawancara saat makan siang. Wawancara seperti ini terjadi ketika psikolog tersebut berusaha untuk merekrut karyawan baru yang jabatannya cukup tinggi, misalnya manajer. Namun, perlu diingat bahwa hal ini hanya dapat digunakan dalam latar dunia pekerjaan karena sangat tidak etis untuk dilakukan oleh seorang psikolog klinis.

Peran wawancara tidak sebatas dalam proses seleksi dan penempatan karyawan. Konseling, yang merupakan bentuk wawancara yang bersifat lebih personal, juga merupakan hal yang tidak terpisahkan dalam dunia pekerjaan. Karyawan yang mengalami masalah dapat diberikan pelayanan konseling. Jika karyawan tersebut terlalu bermasalah, maka dapat disarankan mengunjungi psikolog klinis. Karyawan yang terancam mengalami pemecatan dan akan dipensiunkan juga perlu melalui proses konseling terlebih dahulu. Hal ini bertujuan supaya efek negatif pasca-pemecatan dan pensiun dapat minimal berkurang. Setelah memahami karakteristik individu tersebut, psikolog akan berusaha untuk mencari cara yang tepat.

Wawancara dalam dunia pendidikan lebih sering terjadi dalam bentuk proses konseling. Konseling dalam dunia pendidikan bertujuan supaya proses belajar mengajar dapat berjalan dengan lebih baik. Misalnya, ketika seorang murid mengalami penurunan prestasi belajar, psikolog dapat menggali informasi dari murid tersebut melalui proses wawancara. Selanjutnya, setelah memperoleh informasi, psikolog dapat melakukan intervensi. Misalnya, murid tersebut menjadi korban bullying, psikolog tersebut dapat memberikan program intervensi juga terhadap pelaku bullying. Hal ini bertujuan agar masalah dapat terselesaikan secara menyeluruh.

Psikolog sekolah juga sering kali menggunakan konseling saat membimbing murid-murid untuk memilih jurusan yang dipilih saat perkuliahan. Hal ini sedikit mirip dengan prinsip psikologi industri dan organisasi bahwa harus terdapat kecocokan antara kompetensi dan jabatan. Dalam dunia pendidikan, murid tersebut harus sesuai antara minat, bakat, dan jurusan yang dipilihnya. Maraknya kasus salah jurusan menjadi pecutan tersendiri bagi dunia psikologi pendidikan dalam meningkatkan kualitas konseling karir saat masa SMA.

Penerapan wawancara tentu terjadi juga dalam pengembangan kurikulum, namun sayang sekali tidak banyak dibahas oleh kelompok yang melakukan presentasi. Menurut Bu Henny, kurikulum sekolah adalah suatu hal yang sifatnya confidential karena hal tersebut merupakan "produk dagangan" sekolah tersebut. Tentu proses pengembangan kurikulum adalah suatu rahasia bagi sekolah tersebut juga. Akan tetapi, saya tetap meyakini proses wawancara tidak terpisahkan dalam pengembangan kurikulum.

Berdasarkan uraian di atas, saya menyadari bahwa psikologi merupakan bidang ilmu yang memiliki banyak sekali peran dalam kehidupan sehari-hari. Sehingga, mungkin ada benarnya istilah "selama ada manusia, maka psikologi dapat bekerja di sana". Saya juga semakin menyadari bahwa wawancara adalah suatu alat vital bagi seorang psikolog, khususnya dalam mendeteksi kebohongan. Sehingga, saya, sebagai seorang calon psikolog, menyadari bahwa penting sekali untuk mempertajam keterampilan wawancara saya. Hal ini bertujuan supaya saat berpraktek sebagai psikolog di kemudian hari, saya memiliki amunisi yang kuat untuk menghadapi medan perang.

*Saya sejujurnya tetap tidak tertarik untuk menjadi seorang psikolog pendidikan atau industri dan organisasi.*

about your sexual orientation

*This article is written in English to improve my English writing skills, feel free to criticize it*

Let's start this article by saying that defining a person's sexual orientation is a not simple thing to do. Some people say that sexual orientation is all about with whom you regularly have sexual intercourse with. Although it makes sense, I don't feel it provide us a whole picture about a person's sexual orientation. Some clinicians do define sexual orientation in this way because they feel it's more objective. Sexual attraction is sometimes felt by some people to be equal to sexual orientation, but it's not totally correct either. Research shows that it is possible for human to feel same-sex and opposite-sex attraction from time to time, although it only last for few seconds. It might not be a very nice thing for person, that felt attraction to both, to be defined as a bisexual. There are so many things that need to be considered before identifying a person's sexual orientation. Human sexual orientation is so complicated that in my opinion almost no one could comprehend it wholesomely. The vignettes below could probably give you an idea why defining a person's sexual orientation is a not easy.

A heterosexual woman that feels sexual attraction towards woman from time to time. She felt guilty of this feeling because she felt that this feeling is against what her religion taught her.

A gay that have been happily married for few years, but once in a while he drove to the city's red light district. There, he enjoys casual sex with woman once in a while and his partner acknowledge it.

A lesbian that is currently single, but she really wanted to have a baby. So, she decided to have a sexual intercourse with a male friend that she has known for years in order to have a baby.

A man that is married to woman and have sexual intercourse exclusively with her. But, late at night, he usually masturbates by watching gay porn.

A female that decided to not marry because of a certain reason, but she enjoys watching heterosexual and homosexual porn from time to time.

A man that is married to a woman with three children. He secretly identify himself as a homosexual, but decided not to never come-out as a gay.

In my opinion, the best way to define a person's sexual orientation is by asking directly to them. Sexual orientation is just too complicated to be understood and the only one that can understand it is you yourself. People around you don't have right to identify your sexual orientation, you decide what you want to be. You can be like a heterosexual that enjoys same-sex intercourse from time to time. You also can identify yourself as a homosexual that is happily married with a member of your opposite-sex. You can live as a closeted homosexual for your whole life. You can identify yourself as a heterosexual and never marry for your whole life. All decisions about your own sexual orientation are okay, as long as you are happy and you're practicing safe-sex.

In the end, you are the one that is going through your own life with all its problems. Other people also have their own life problems that they must be deal with. It is a very weird thing when someone dictates the right way to live when they also have more important things to deal with than your life. So, you should never let them do that to your life. You need to feel happy of what you choose and not to be affected by other people's opinion. Remember, the most important thing in your life is your own happiness.

"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions." - Dalai Lama XIV