prostitusi hmm...

Prostitusi adalah suatu fenomena yang rasanya tidak mudah dihapuskan. Fenomena ini sudah terjadi ratusan tahun dalam bentuk yang berbeda, mulai dari prostitusi keagamaan hingga yang terbaru yaitu fenomena "ayam kampus" di Jakarta. Rasanya faktor supply-demand salah satu yang mendorong terjadinya hal ini. Kemiskinan dan kepentingan "bisnis" orang tertentu mendorong terjadinya prostitusi. Selain itu, kita dapat melihat dengan banyaknya orang yang membutuhkan jasa prostitusi.

Tema pembahasan kelas Perilaku Seksual kali ini membuat saya teringat dengan artikel yang dibahas oleh Prof. Sarlito yang membahas tentang fenomena prostitusi di Indonesia. Sebenarnya, hal utama yang disajikan adalah cara berdemokrasi yang lebih "realistis". Akan tetapi, Prof. Sarlito membahas dari sisi fenomena prostitusi. Menurut beliau, lokalisasi alangkah baiknya ditata dengan baik dengan harapan pemantauan pekerja seks komersial (PSK) berjalan lebih baik. Pemantauan lebih baik diharapkan dapat menurunkan kemungkinan terjadinya penyakit menular seksual.

Pendapat Prof. Sarlito mungkin ada benarnya, tetapi saya dulu sempat membaca sebuah artikel kritikan terhadap legal red-light district di Belanda (ya! Belanda menganggap legal keberadaan red-light district). Menurut artikel tersebut, keberadaan red-light district menyuburkan perdagangan perempuan di Eropa. Pernyataan tersebut bila dipikirkan dengan baik sebenarnya cukup masuk akal.

Sebenarnya, hal paling penting kita menyadari bahwa setiap keputusan memiliki efek positif dan negatif. Hal yang terbaik yang kita lakukan adalah meminimalisir efek negatif. Akan tetapi, kita perlu menyadari bahwa mengambil sebuah keputusan bukanlah hal yang mudah. Memilih mau makan malam apa saja susah, apalagi mengatasi jasa prostitusi rasanya jauh lebih rumit...

Menurut saya, kelas Perilaku Seksual adalah kelas yang cukup menyenangkan. Akan tetapi, saya merasa bahwa banyak sekali penjelasan yang diungkapkan oleh teman-teman selama satu semester adalah suatu bentuk pengulangan *saya sudah pernah membaca buku Carroll sebelumnya sampai habis*. Namun, saya tetap senang karena banyak sekali ilmu-ilmu baru yang dijelaskan oleh Bu Henny. Sesungguhnya, saya curiga banyak sekali ilmu dari Ibu yang belum saya curi. Akan tetapi, saya tetap mengucapkan terima kasih atas pengalamannya selama satu semester dan saya berharap dapat bertemu Ibu di kelas yang berbeda. Saya tetap berharap mampu mengembangkan ilmu saya mengenai seksualitas manusia karena saya ingin sekali menjadi seorang psikolog-seksolog. Bagi saya sebagai psikolog-seksolog, saya dapat memhamai dengan lebih baik dinamika misterius seksualitas manusia. Terima kasih Bu... 

stress and sexual life

It is stressful to have sex right now and I'm sure it will be an unpleasant experience. Sadly, at the same time, my spouse will be quite sad if I say that I'm not in the mood of having sex. We don't desire sex because we are currently under stress, but at the same time when we are unable to fulfill our spouse's needs.

In my opinion, this thought will usually occur in the mind of most married woman.

Stress is a very common thing nowadays for woman. Work stress, financial stress, and raising children will accumulate together to form a large amount of stress. It wouldn't be surprising that most woman wouldn't be interested in sex because the stress they receive from daily life events. Man and woman's sex mechanics are quite different in certain way and the most important factor for woman's sex mechanics to work is psychological factor, besides testosterone. Testosterone is the hormone that gives a lot of contribution towards sex desire. The problem is woman lacks amount of testosterone. (Women that have too high amount of testosterone will have manly features.)  This is probably the reason why woman compensates it with psychological factors.

Less stress becomes very important for women to have a satisfying sex. It is very important for husbands to realize this. If the your couple becomes to stressful, then stop doing sex for a while, take time, go somewhere nice, and enjoy a romantic dinner for two. The main point is to do something else that will reduce your couple's tension. Enjoying a message will be a wonderful experience. Don't forget to communicate your problems you had to your spouse. After a relaxing time with your spouse, hopefully her sex desires would improve.

Psychological help will be needed if the stress doesn't fade, but this is a rare case because usually the main problem is that there are no effort from husbands to alleviate the spouses' stress. Also, remember that great sex means great love. Love without effort is like building a bridge without no one working to build one.

pedophilia?

Pedophilia is one of the most direst clinical psychology case in the world. It has a lot of impact towards the victim. The trauma caused by rape could last for a lifetime. Life will be very different after rape experience. Although psychologist work as hard as possible, we can only minimize the trauma effect. But, sadly most of us forget to treat the pedophilia suspect because of disgust towards them. In my opinion, this is a sad thing because they could sexually abuse children again after their release. So, treating them means that we could prevent the same thing to occur again.

Yes, we can't deny that it will hard treating pedophiles. It is very difficult to stop someone loving a certain person, I think we could apply the same thing towards pedophiles. They love children and trying to stop them loving children needs a lot of hard work. Pedophiles need to be accept their love towards children is wrong. They have to be willing to let go their own feelings for their own good.

We know the importance of treating the victim to improve their future. Yet, we need to remember that treating the culprit might help us to prevent the same thing to happen again. The best way is actually to improve our child protection law and not to forget to improve the implementation. All members of our society also need to be aware of sexual abuse that occur to children in their neighborhood. There's a chance a sexual abuse victim could become a pedophile in the future.

In the end, the most important thing is to protect our children and giving them the right sex education. We need to teach to protect certain areas of their bodies. We also need them to know they need to shout or run if someone touch those areas. Parent-child communication becomes very important for our children's future. Don't be shy and start communicating with your children.

a lesson learned from interviewing experience

Today was the final day for our Interviewing Technique class' interview roleplay. I'm still a bit surprised that I have finished the whole process that lasts for three weeks. We started the roleplay in office setting and after that we do it in the educational setting. We finish it with roleplay interview in clinical setting. Honestly, I had a weird feeling occur throughout the interview roleplay. Since for few months, I have been interviewing (or counseling) children from middle-to-low schools in Jakarta and Tangerang. I guess since I have been applying Interviewing Technique class' materials in real life, for me doing interview roleplay for me is a bit boring. I also think that when I was counseling children I have a different framework than what the class' materials told me. That's why during my first roleplay interview, I did a lot of mistakes. But, I can't deny that learning from Bu Henny helps me a lot in improving my interviewing technique skills.

The whole interviewing thing started around February when I decided to join the YCAB foundation. At that time, YCAB foundation is looking for volunteers that is willing to help children with problems. A chance to receive counseling experience during undergraduate studies interest me a lot. The YCAB foundation thought me about Satir Brief Therapy, a therapy that was created by Virginia Satir. This Satir therapy thing is going to be given to Master students of Tarumanagara University, especially the clinical psychology student. I heard this from my Counseling and Psychotherapy class lecturer Bu Denrich during last week class. I don't want to seem arrogant, but let's just say that I am one step ahead from plenty of Master students in Satir therapy area (or maybe not). *haha*

Let's get back to the interview roleplay before I start writing more about my experience in YCAB foundation. At the same time, I also can't deny that the roleplay helps me in certain area, especially in interview in office setting. I also happily accept Bu Henny's helpful tips throughout the 3-week roleplay interview help me to improve my behavior in interviewing process. But, I can't get it out of my mind the weird feeling of interviewing my own classmates. Now, let's stop talking about the roleplay interview.


During the last part, I would like to share my experience interviewing a lady I met in the boarding house for handicapped people. Actually, the reason I have to interview the lady is because the information that I recieved from the lady will be used for the Interview Technique class' final exam. Honestly, I feel a little bit angry against Bu Henny because I have so many assignments to do! *don't scold me Bu* But, she said that the reason for this assignment is to know how well is our interviewing skills. So, with a little bit grumpy feeling, I interview a 40-year-old lady I met in the boarding house one week ago. The lady have a very sad experience throughout her whole life. She lost her parents, she lost one of her legs, and she have no one to depend on. She tried to kill herself few times, but she survived the whole ordeal. I almost cry during interview, but thankfully I didn't. Whenever I felt crying, I always remind myself about Bu Henny's advice not to cry during the interview process. *thanks Bu Henny* Finally, she told me that although she until now feels very sad, she felt grateful and thankful that she was given a chance to live by God.

I learned a very valuable lesson from her that although how horrible your life is you should be grateful that you were still living until now. It was a chance given to us mankind by God to create a better future for ourselves. The roleplay interview and final exam assignment interview reminds me Bu Henny's past lesson. She told me that from every kind of interview, we could learn a valuable lesson to improve myself. To me, it was such a gratifying experience after finishing an interview process. I learn something from the interview to apply it to my life, so that I can have a better life for myself.

In the end, I would like to say thank you to Bu Henny for the Interviewing Technique class, the lady at the boarding house for handicapped people, and finally to my classmates at the Interviewing Technique class. I feel grateful for all your help throughout the whole process. Indeed what Karen Horney said,"Life may be the best therapist" because interviewing (or talking with) someone is an important part of our life, especially if you're a psychologist (or a soon-to-be).

the importance of communication between couples

Communication is a very important component in marriage. Conflicts and problems usually arise because of lack of communication between couples. Lack of communication range from daily life to sex life. We can't deny that sex life is very important for young married couples. Problems within sex life could cause arguments which sometimes leads into divorce. One of the most main problems in sex life is women's lack of sexual satisfaction. Although there are many other factors that contribute to lack of sexual satisfaction, the common reason is because women rarely reach orgasm. According Zoya Amirin, M.Psi., in some cases, women could still achieve sexual satisfaction without orgasm. But, I have to remind you that it only occur in some cases, it's quite rare.

There are so many reasons for lack of orgasm usually because of lack of foreplay. In some cases, the women's sexual script dictate her not to enjoy sex. In conservative countries like Indonesia, women's sexual satisfaction is usually shunned. Women are not allowed to enjoy sex at all because sexual satisfaction belongs to men. I think this is why communication between couples become very important. Just by saying that they don't get enough foreplay, women can easily solve the first problem. Yes, we can't deny that communating about sex is sometimes uncomfortable for certain people, but it can help a lot in building better sex life. Solving the second problem is much more tricky. Talking to their spouse about their desire to enjoy sex might help them a lot in achieving sexual satisfaction.

I think that every couple have the right to enjoy sex according to their needs. They can experiment with different sex position as long as they communicate with each other. Communication work wonders in improving sex life. Being creative is also very important in spicing up sex life. So, besides a lot of communication, a lot of creativity is needed in marriage.

So, what are you waiting for? Start communicating with your spouse and start being creative when you talk with your spouse. Remember that you need a lot of effort in a marriage. :)

revisiting interview in school setting: school psychologist?

Actually, I have written about this topic few weeks ago. So, it is rather weird to see me writing the same stuff again. The reason is because my lecturer reviewed the topic again to give better understanding during the Interview Technique class few days ago. The lecturer decided to review again the interview in daily life setting to give better understanding. I think the most interesting part is when the lecturer decided to talk about school psychologists.

School psychologist is a rare profession in Indonesia because for efficiency and simplicity most of school psychologists’ work is usually done by counselor teachers (guru Bimbingan Konseling). Sometimes, in some extreme cases, counselor teachers need to do a lot of stuff that have nothing to do with their job, for example in the past when my lecturer work as a counselor teacher, she have to message students that felt sick. Actually, the two of them have a very different job. Counselor teachers usually deal with administrative job and they usually counsel students with minor problems. They also need to teach in classrooms. School psychologists main job are almost similar to clinical psychologists, but of course they deal with problems in schools. School psychologists give counseling, they give simple therapies and create special curriculum for children with special needs after the recommendation from the children’s clinical psychologist or psychiatrist, they give counseling for school staff, and many more. They rarely have to attend classes because they have a lot of job to do in their office.

Honestly, I’m quite eager working in school setting as school psychologist. Sadly, most schools in Indonesia school psychologists are the same thing with counselor teachers. I hate working as counselor teachers in Indonesia. That is why I felt discouraged working in school setting and become more interested working as clinical psychologist.

In my opinion, there is urgency for schools in Indonesia to understand the difference between counselor teachers and school psychologists in order to have a better service quality. In the future, there might be a better understanding about school psychologist’s profession. But, for now, since there’s not much understanding about them, I have almost no interest working in the educational setting.

understanding HIV and AIDS

Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) is one of the most well-known viruses in the world. The virus is the main cause of acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS), a disease that progressively causes a problem towards humans' immune system. Problems in immune system might cause a lot of life-threatening virus or bacteria to easily attack humans. This disease until now is incurable, but it is still possible to prolong the victims' life through medical intervention. But, the victim's life could only be prolonged if the viruses haven’t caused the disease. This is why it is very important for us to be aware about the presence of this virus around us.

Although, HIV is a very dangerous virus, it can only spread through direct blood contact, for example blood transfusion, drug injection, sexual intercourse, breastfeeding, and contact to the open wound. There is no reason for us to discriminate someone living with HIV. They have their rights to live as normal as possible. As long as they are very careful with themselves, there is nothing to worry about them. Touching them is a possible thing, although directly touching their wounds is not advisable. But, the point is people with HIV is not as dangerous as we think about, they are actually as harmless as us if they take good care of themselves.

Preventing HIV is a very simple thing to do. Avoiding direct blood contact and having a healthy lifestyle such as avoiding free sex and drugs are the main points. We need to realize that discriminating people with HIV might cause their death. Loneliness caused by the discrimination might cause their immune system to be weakened. Weak immune system causes the HIV to spread more easily. Soon, life-threatening virus and bacteria will soon easily attack the victim's body. That is why some people say that it is not the HIV that kills the victims; it is the loneliness that kills them.

So, stay healthy and start having a healthy health style! Also, remember that people with HIV is not someone we should be afraid of. Yes, their disease is a very scary thing, but the victims are still ordinary human with their own feelings. :)

after the interview

After each interviews, interviewer, most of the the time, will write interview reports. Interview reports are very important. Each human is unique in its own way. There are millions of human in this world. So understanding all of them is impossible. But, we could understand certain behavior of them through our interview reports. Sometimes people act something because of the same reason and we can easily compare the behavior with our past interview report. Our past experience will help us in the future. That's why writing interview report is something that must never be forgotten by interviewer.

Through each interview, we learn valuable new things. This is why we need to write our reflection about each interview we did. How is the interview going? Does the interviewer do good? Does the interviewer make a terrible mistake? Is there anything unique that occur during the interview? Does the interview learn a new experience through the interview? If an interviewer makes a mistake, then he or she should simply fix it in the next interview. Through each of our interview reports, we learn our progress as interviewer. We can compare how much information we retrieve in our current interview process with the past ones. Interview reports shows our growth.

Lastly, we need to remember that interviewing technique increases through each of their interview experience. So from each interview, we, as interviewer, need to learn new things. Don't forget to write the report :)

losing desire

Losing sexual desire is something that might frighten married couples, especially if it occur in early marriage stage. In most case, it's woman that loses her sexual desire. It is not a very surprising thing because woman's sexual desire is much more complex then man. The importance of psychological factor makes building up woman's sexual desire much more difficult. Romantic situation is very important for building up woman's sexual desire. Minimum stress and positive emotion also give a lot of contribution towards woman's sexual desire. A positive communication between husband and wife is also important.

Low testosterone may explain why women have harder time building up their sexual desire. It is said that testosterone is a powerful hormone that has something to do with sexual desire. The reason why women need more time building up their sexual desire is maybe because women have lower testosterone. That is why probably psychological factor becomes more important for women. This phenomenon could maybe be explained through evolutionary psychology. Risk of pregnancy makes women more careful in choosing the men they have sex with. So, this is why woman needs man that truly love them and is willing to show their effort to the woman, for example in fulfilling psychological needs.

Few months ago, I read an article that criticize the diagnosis criteria of hypoactive sexual desire disorder. In the article, it is said that women suffer from that diagnosis criteria. The diagnosis criteria pathologize women's lost of sexual desire.  Actually, if we look in a different perspective, then in most case the problem actually comes from the husbands. Husbands low effort in building up their sexual desire is actually the main problem. The husbands never realize the importance of fulfilling their wives' psychological needs in order for them to build up sexual desire.

Sexual intercourse before building up sexual desire is a very uncomfortable thing. Imagine if you have a work to do, but the problem is you don't enjoy it at all and you need to do it over and over again. The same happen towards wives. They are forced to have sex before building enough sexual desire and this happen over and over again. It is not surprising that this will discourage women to have sex in the future. This is probably why women are losing sexual desire.

So, before visiting the doctor or psychologist or therapist because of your wives' absence of sexual desire, it would be a better idea for husbands to first check themselves. Are there any effort to fulfill their wives' psychological needs before sexual intercourse? If not then start giving them or if it's not enough try more variations. Like I said before great sex needs great love. Great love needs intimacy, passion and commitment. So, husbands start giving love to your wives if you don't want them to hate sex. In both love and sex, partners need to give a lot of effort.

vasectomy what????

Vasectomy is a simple surgery process that involves cutting or most of the tying up vas deferens duct, a part of male a reproduction organ. Sperms won't be able to reach semen because they are not able to pass through vas deferens duct, that has been cut or tied. Semen, that doesn't contain any sperms, won't be able to fertilize female's ovum. In Indonesia, vasectomy is one of the contraception procedure that is supported by the government. According to Indonesia Family Planning, vasectomy has a very small chance to cause post-surgery complication compared to tubectomy procedure, that was done to females. This is why vasectomy is considered the best and safest contraception procedure.

Sadly, vasectomy is not very famous among males because of its negative stigma that mostly aren't true. Few men considered vasectomy the same thing as castration. Although, it's two vastly different things. In vasectomy, there are almost no external organ surgery, except cutting the skin near the vas deferens duct that have almost no negative effect. Some men also felt that vasectomy might reduce sexual desire. This is a wrong statement because vasectomy won't have any negative effect towards testosterone, the sexual drive hormone for men. So, giving comprehensive information about vasectomy to men is a very important thing. After understanding about vasectomy procedure, we hope that more male will be more willing to go through vasectomy procedure.

It is important to realize that men are able to participate, not only women. Although, women have more options for contraceptive procedure, women's contraceptive procedures have more negative drawbacks. So, brace yourself man and be a gentleman. If it is possible, then do vasectomy. Vasectomy has the lowest chance of causing pregnancy. It is also widely known that a lot of men feel uncomfortable using condoms.  But, by doing vasectomy, you can still enjoy sex intercourse.

In conclusion, we need to realize that contraception procedure is a process that needs a lot of consideration. We need to consider our conditions and needs. So, in most case contraception counselling is needed for couples that want to go through any kinds of contraception procedure. Contraception procedure has a lot of positive effects to prevent population booming. So, by going through contraception procedure, we are supporting Family Planning program.

we have different experience

Humans are made through their life experiences. Our behaviors, even the most erratic ones, are molded by daily life activities. Some people might experience the same events, but others could experience vastly different things. Sometimes, they will be involved in something that most people will never experience. We need to remember that even if someone had a same experience, they can precept that experience differently. How we precept stuff is also affected by our past experience. So, experience and perception are things that go along together. Genetics, of course, also have important contribution, but in this blog post we will talk more about the importance of understanding client's history in psychological healing process.

Psychological disorders or abnormal behaviors don't occur suddenly without any good reason, for example post-traumatic stress disorder usually occur after traumatic experience. It becomes very important for psychologist to know and understand the clients' experiences and how they affect their current behavior. There's a lot of stuff that we need to talk about when we interview the client, such as the client's family, friends, habit, daily life activities, past trauma, and many more. After gathering this information, a psychologist could gain in insight what cause the clients' abnormal behaviors. For example, after checking the client's family background, a psychologist knew that she was a physical abuse victim. The psychologist realized that her past experience, as an abuse victim, could be the explanation for her current abusive behavior as a mother. That's why Madam Henny said that as psychologist we need at least one meeting to gain all kinds of information about the client's history. The information will help the psychologist on interpreting the client's behavior and psychotherapy process after knowing the reason.

Understanding the client's history is also an important thing. Imagine, one day, as psychologist, you meet a client that told her she want to die because she broke up from her boyfriend after dating only for three months. Honestly, I feel that it is a very simple problem because you're not yet married to him. Sometimes, it feels very weird to see clients that needs help for a very simple problem. There are so many bigger problems in the world. How is it possible for the client to solve bigger problems if they need help a psychologist for a "simple" problem? We, as psychologist, need to realize that everyone have a different perception. A "simple" problem for a person might be a disaster for the others. Generalizing perception is a very dangerous mistake to occur during interview process. It is important for psychologist not to be so judgmental towards the client. It is very important for us to be neutral during the interview process.

In conclusion, we, humans, are created through genetic process. At the same time, we grew up and experience a lot of things. Genetic process and experience could help us know the reason of our behavior. So, it is very important for psychologist to know about the client's history. But, simply knowing is not enough, we need to understand the client's perception. Knowing the client's history and understanding their perception are two main weapons for psychologist to help them grow up and become a better person.

akhir dari suatu pernikahan

Pada kesempatan ini, saya terpaksa menulis dalam bahasa Indonesia karena kesibukan yang saya alami akhir-akhir ini.

Pada tulisan ini, saya ingin membahas tentang suatu fenomena yang mungkin akan lebih sering terjadi di masa depan nanti yaitu perceraian. Pernikahan tentu tidak selamanya merupakan suatu happy ending seperti dongeng-dongeng. Konflik yang terjadi di dalamnya karena berbagai faktor, misalnya kesibukan rumah tangga, ketidakcocokan pemikiran, kekerasan rumah tangga, dan masih banyak faktor lainnya, dapat perlahan-lahan menghilangkan kehangatan dalam suatu pernikahan. Cinta yang perlahan-lahan dingin dan tidak diusahakan lebih lanjut berujung pada kehilangan cinta sepenuhnya terhadap pasangan.

Perceraian sering menjadi jawaban untuk mengatasi permasalahan ini. Menurut Bu Henny, perceraian jarang sekali terjadi di Indonesia karena stigma negatif yang menyertainya hal ini terkait dengan faktor religiusitas. Hampir seluruh agama di dunia melarang atau tidak menganjurkan terjadinya perceraian karena anggapan bahwa pernikahan adalah suatu hubungan yang diresmikan oleh Tuhan dan tidak boleh diputuskan begitu saja oleh manusia. Hal ini menyebabkan, khususnya di Indonesia yang religiusitasnya masih kuat, yang lebih sering terjadi adalah perpisahan (tinggal berjauhan dari pasangan) karena dianggap tidak melanggar ajaran agama dan juga dapat menjauhkan seorang individu dari pasangannya.

Akan tetapi, seiring dengan perkembangan zaman dan mulai melunturnya nilai-nilai keagamaan, kita tentu tidak dapat menghindari terjadi fenomena perceraian. Menurut beberapa artikel yang saya baca sebelumnya terjadi peningkatan angka perceraian di Indonesia dan semakin banyak tuntutan perceraian berasal dari perempuan. Kita tidak dapat memungkiri bahwa semakin terjaminnya hak-hak dan pendidikan perempuan akan mendorong seorang perempuan untuk semakin berani bercerai. Anggapan bahwa tingkat pendidikan perempuan akan meningkatkan kemungkinan untuk bercerai tidak dapat dipandang negatif seperti pendapat seorang anggota kelompok presentasi. Hal ini justru adalah suatu hal yang positif karena hal ini berarti bahwa perempuan tersebut makin sadar bahwa ketika memang tidak mampu dipertahankan mengapa harus tetap dipertahankan. Hal yang sangat tidak masuk akal untuk bertahan dalam pernikahan yang penuh dengan kekerasan dalam rumah tangga.

Perceraian memang suatu hal yang menyedihkan untuk terjadi. Akan tetap, jauh lebih baik bagi seorang anak untuk berada dalam suatu keluarga single parent daripada tinggal dengan keluarga lengkap yang penuh dengan konflik. Namun, ingat bahwa keputusan perceraian harus dipikirkan dengan matang-matang karena dapat mengubah kehidupan beberapa manusia sekaligus, termasuk pasangan dengan anak-anaknya.

attraction: scientific style

Attraction is a very mysterious thing to us humans. It is so mysterious that scientists really work hard to reveal the mystery behind it. One of the biggest questions is why are we attracted to a certain person and most of the time we are attracted to handsome and beautiful person. A documentary, that I watched during the last week's Sexual Behavior class, has revealed the answer that big question. Honestly, the documentary is so similar to the documentary that I watched during the Female Psychology class last semester. It almost explain the exact thing, there's only subtle differences between them. Actually, I'm not really that interested in writing my opinion again since you can simply just check my old stuff. But, because there's an assignment, I am forced to rewrite my opinion. That's not a really genuine reason to write to be honest.

The main point about the documentary that I watched at both class is we are attracted to good looking person because it's a reproduction strategy. So, the thing is we humans want to have perfect offspring and attractive face provide a clue towards good genes. Why? Because if you have an attractive face that means when you're still in your mother's belly, you probably grew up without any abnormalities. No virus, no bacteria, no alcohol, no poison, nothing dangerous that could harm you and not to forget probably also no inherited disease. Abnormalities during pregnancy could harm the baby's body and automatically ruin their genes. So, it might be a good idea for mothers to be very careful during pregnancy.

Actually, this is not a very surprising thing. Almost everyone in the world know that person with attractive face will have a beautiful offspring. There are so many examples around us, look at David and Victoria Beckham! Do you see how handsome and beautiful their children are? It is quite clear that those kids don't have any weird disease that might harm them. So, attractive face might be a strong predictor for healthy offspring.

This documentary also explain that women have to make sure their mate have enough money to protect them, especially during pregnancy. We know that women are vulnerable during pregnancy and would find it very difficult to work. They need resourceful men to protect and help them. Raising children is not an easy job and needs a lot of cash. This is why women must consider their partners' resource, specifically economic resource, when choosing their mate. They also usually consider their partners' personality. A bad father is of course dangerous for their children.

Well, that's all the documentaries were generally talking about. In my opinion, this quite makes sense for  me because the most important thing is that I want my children to be at least as tall me as me. That's why I really want to have a tall girl as my wife. Short girls how beautiful they are most of the time turn me off. But, choosing your future husband and wife sometimes doesn't always have to do with their outer appearance. Inner beauty is a very important component, too. Good personality is very important thing. It's a hell to have a wife as beautiful as Miss Universe if she has horrible personality.

In conclusion, if you have a beautiful wife with a great personality, then be grateful of what you have. If her appearance is not that great, then thank God women have make up.

"There are no ugly women, only lazy ones." - Helena Rubinstein

silence is golden?

I think almost everyone knows about the meaning of "silence is golden" quote, but it is very difficult to do it in our daily life. We simply just love talking, we want other people to understand what are we thinking currently. We want to convey our feelings to them. We want to show other people that we're smart and intelligent by telling them information that we have currently. This all can be done through talking. Sometimes, people felt that they're a dumb person when they decided not to talk. There's a lot of negative attribution to silence, including in interview process.

In interviewing, especially in clinical setting, silence is considered a threat to the whole process. One of my greatest fears is that one day, as a psychologist, I have to meet clients that decided not to talk at all because they feel so embarrassed about their problems. If I couldn't make the client start talking, then I feel that the whole interviewing process has failed. I couldn't get any information from them to be discuss. Also, it's impossible to discuss anything with the client because he or she doesn't want to talk! How am I supposed to do? Let them to keep their silence?

Last Monday, I learned a valuable lesson from Madam Henny during the Interviewing Technique class. She told us that psychologist can show their empathy to the client's problem through silence. A warm glance to the client's eyes, a caring smile, and a genuine feeling to help the client is very important in interviewing process. In my opinion, the client could feel if the psychologist's feelings are genuine or not. Almost every human being, except probably psychopaths, have some sort of antenna that can pick up other people's feelings. And we need to remember that we could only share our deepest and most embarrassing secrets to the people we trust. If through the silence process the client feels that the psychologist is untrustworthy, then they will decide to keep silence.

The client will start talking when they feel much safer. They feel much safer when they know that the psychologist is there to help them. But sure, it would take a lot of time because sharing a dark secret is not an easy thing to do. So, it is very important to show through your face that you really care about their distress. I think it is important for us to practice how to smile and glance, especially as psychologist, you have to show a caring smile and warm glance even in the worst condition.

So the conclusion is quite simple silence is golden, even in interviewing process. We need to remember that empathy still could be felt and shown even in silence.

interviewing in workplace and school setting

Wawancara adalah suatu hal yang tidak mungkin terpisahkan dari bidang ilmu psikologi karena alasan-alasan dari munculnya suatu perilaku dari seorang individu hanya dipahami oleh individu itu sendiri. Proses wawancara harus dilakukan untuk memahami pemikiran individu tersebut. Hal ini menyebabkan wawancara juga tidak terpisahkan dari psikologi industri dan organisasi serta psikologi pendidikan, yang merupakan bagian dari pengaplikasian psikologi dalam kehidupan sehari-hari. Psikologi industri dan organisasi dapat didefinisikan sebagai prinsip-prinsip psikologi yang diterapkan dalam kegiatan organisasi, khususnya kegiatan organisasi di dunia kerja. Psikologi pendidikan adalah penerapan prinsip-prinsip psikologi dalam dunia pendidikan, sehingga tentu akan lebih banyak diterapkan pada latar sekolah.

Wawancara dalam psikologi industri dan organisasi umumnya digunakan untuk proses seleksi dan penempatan karyawan. Hal ini terkait dengan prinsip psikologi bahwa kompetensi individu harus disesuaikan dengan jabatan yang akan dijalaninya. Wawancara berperan untuk menggali kompetensi individu tersebut, sehingga diharapkan kinerja individu tersebut benar-benar maksimal saat bekerja nantinya. Keberadaan tes bakat, minat, inteligensi, dan tes-tes formal dan informal lainnya tidak dapat menggantikan sepenuhnya peran wawancara karena maraknya kebocoran tes psikologis saat ini. Kebocoran tes dapat menyebabkan individu memahami cara kerja tes. Selanjutnya, individu melakukan faking good saat menjawab tes tersebut. Sehingga, hanya wawancara dapat menggali informasi mengenai individu lebih dalam dan lebih "murni" dari kebohongan individu.

Wawancara juga bersifat sangat fleksibel dan dapat dilakukan secara informal, khususnya dalam latar dunia pekerjaan. Berdasarkan informasi yang saya peroleh dari salah satu kelompok, seorang psikolog melakukan proses wawancara saat makan siang. Wawancara seperti ini terjadi ketika psikolog tersebut berusaha untuk merekrut karyawan baru yang jabatannya cukup tinggi, misalnya manajer. Namun, perlu diingat bahwa hal ini hanya dapat digunakan dalam latar dunia pekerjaan karena sangat tidak etis untuk dilakukan oleh seorang psikolog klinis.

Peran wawancara tidak sebatas dalam proses seleksi dan penempatan karyawan. Konseling, yang merupakan bentuk wawancara yang bersifat lebih personal, juga merupakan hal yang tidak terpisahkan dalam dunia pekerjaan. Karyawan yang mengalami masalah dapat diberikan pelayanan konseling. Jika karyawan tersebut terlalu bermasalah, maka dapat disarankan mengunjungi psikolog klinis. Karyawan yang terancam mengalami pemecatan dan akan dipensiunkan juga perlu melalui proses konseling terlebih dahulu. Hal ini bertujuan supaya efek negatif pasca-pemecatan dan pensiun dapat minimal berkurang. Setelah memahami karakteristik individu tersebut, psikolog akan berusaha untuk mencari cara yang tepat.

Wawancara dalam dunia pendidikan lebih sering terjadi dalam bentuk proses konseling. Konseling dalam dunia pendidikan bertujuan supaya proses belajar mengajar dapat berjalan dengan lebih baik. Misalnya, ketika seorang murid mengalami penurunan prestasi belajar, psikolog dapat menggali informasi dari murid tersebut melalui proses wawancara. Selanjutnya, setelah memperoleh informasi, psikolog dapat melakukan intervensi. Misalnya, murid tersebut menjadi korban bullying, psikolog tersebut dapat memberikan program intervensi juga terhadap pelaku bullying. Hal ini bertujuan agar masalah dapat terselesaikan secara menyeluruh.

Psikolog sekolah juga sering kali menggunakan konseling saat membimbing murid-murid untuk memilih jurusan yang dipilih saat perkuliahan. Hal ini sedikit mirip dengan prinsip psikologi industri dan organisasi bahwa harus terdapat kecocokan antara kompetensi dan jabatan. Dalam dunia pendidikan, murid tersebut harus sesuai antara minat, bakat, dan jurusan yang dipilihnya. Maraknya kasus salah jurusan menjadi pecutan tersendiri bagi dunia psikologi pendidikan dalam meningkatkan kualitas konseling karir saat masa SMA.

Penerapan wawancara tentu terjadi juga dalam pengembangan kurikulum, namun sayang sekali tidak banyak dibahas oleh kelompok yang melakukan presentasi. Menurut Bu Henny, kurikulum sekolah adalah suatu hal yang sifatnya confidential karena hal tersebut merupakan "produk dagangan" sekolah tersebut. Tentu proses pengembangan kurikulum adalah suatu rahasia bagi sekolah tersebut juga. Akan tetapi, saya tetap meyakini proses wawancara tidak terpisahkan dalam pengembangan kurikulum.

Berdasarkan uraian di atas, saya menyadari bahwa psikologi merupakan bidang ilmu yang memiliki banyak sekali peran dalam kehidupan sehari-hari. Sehingga, mungkin ada benarnya istilah "selama ada manusia, maka psikologi dapat bekerja di sana". Saya juga semakin menyadari bahwa wawancara adalah suatu alat vital bagi seorang psikolog, khususnya dalam mendeteksi kebohongan. Sehingga, saya, sebagai seorang calon psikolog, menyadari bahwa penting sekali untuk mempertajam keterampilan wawancara saya. Hal ini bertujuan supaya saat berpraktek sebagai psikolog di kemudian hari, saya memiliki amunisi yang kuat untuk menghadapi medan perang.

*Saya sejujurnya tetap tidak tertarik untuk menjadi seorang psikolog pendidikan atau industri dan organisasi.*

about your sexual orientation

*This article is written in English to improve my English writing skills, feel free to criticize it*

Let's start this article by saying that defining a person's sexual orientation is a not simple thing to do. Some people say that sexual orientation is all about with whom you regularly have sexual intercourse with. Although it makes sense, I don't feel it provide us a whole picture about a person's sexual orientation. Some clinicians do define sexual orientation in this way because they feel it's more objective. Sexual attraction is sometimes felt by some people to be equal to sexual orientation, but it's not totally correct either. Research shows that it is possible for human to feel same-sex and opposite-sex attraction from time to time, although it only last for few seconds. It might not be a very nice thing for person, that felt attraction to both, to be defined as a bisexual. There are so many things that need to be considered before identifying a person's sexual orientation. Human sexual orientation is so complicated that in my opinion almost no one could comprehend it wholesomely. The vignettes below could probably give you an idea why defining a person's sexual orientation is a not easy.

A heterosexual woman that feels sexual attraction towards woman from time to time. She felt guilty of this feeling because she felt that this feeling is against what her religion taught her.

A gay that have been happily married for few years, but once in a while he drove to the city's red light district. There, he enjoys casual sex with woman once in a while and his partner acknowledge it.

A lesbian that is currently single, but she really wanted to have a baby. So, she decided to have a sexual intercourse with a male friend that she has known for years in order to have a baby.

A man that is married to woman and have sexual intercourse exclusively with her. But, late at night, he usually masturbates by watching gay porn.

A female that decided to not marry because of a certain reason, but she enjoys watching heterosexual and homosexual porn from time to time.

A man that is married to a woman with three children. He secretly identify himself as a homosexual, but decided not to never come-out as a gay.

In my opinion, the best way to define a person's sexual orientation is by asking directly to them. Sexual orientation is just too complicated to be understood and the only one that can understand it is you yourself. People around you don't have right to identify your sexual orientation, you decide what you want to be. You can be like a heterosexual that enjoys same-sex intercourse from time to time. You also can identify yourself as a homosexual that is happily married with a member of your opposite-sex. You can live as a closeted homosexual for your whole life. You can identify yourself as a heterosexual and never marry for your whole life. All decisions about your own sexual orientation are okay, as long as you are happy and you're practicing safe-sex.

In the end, you are the one that is going through your own life with all its problems. Other people also have their own life problems that they must be deal with. It is a very weird thing when someone dictates the right way to live when they also have more important things to deal with than your life. So, you should never let them do that to your life. You need to feel happy of what you choose and not to be affected by other people's opinion. Remember, the most important thing in your life is your own happiness.

"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions." - Dalai Lama XIV

psikologi klinis anak dan dewasa

Beberapa universitas di Indonesia membagi dua program psikologi klinis mereka menjadi psikologi klinis anak dan dewasa. Menurut saya, alasan pembagian ini untuk memberikan ilmu yang lebih mendalam dalam masing-masing bidang. Hal ini membuat calon psikolog dapat memilih untuk lebih sering menghadapi klien anak atau orang dewasa, tergantung kenyamanan mereka. Anak-anak dan orang dewasa memiliki banyak sekali perbedaan dalam penanganannya. Hal ini mungkin juga menjadi alasan lain pembagian program tersebut.

Bagi saya, psikologi klinis anak merupakan suatu bidang yang cenderung saya jauhi. Mengapa? Karena saya tidak merasa nyaman menghadapi anak-anak. Saya merasa kesal setiap kali melihat mereka bergerak terlalu aktif kesana-kemari. Saya merasa kesal ketika mereka menangis dan berteriak. Saya adalah seseorang yang hanya mampu mencintai anak saya sendiri atau anak dari keluarga dekat saya. Hal ini menyebabkan saya tidak tertarik sama sekali untuk menjadi psikolog anak. Akan tetapi, tugas Teknik Wawancara kali ini sedikit mengubah pandangan saya mengenai dunia psikologi klinis anak. Perubahan ini tetap saya anggap tidak terlalu besar, hingga membuat saya tertarik untuk menjadi seorang psikolog anak. Namun, saya belajar untuk memandang psikologi klinis anak secara lebih positif.

Wawancara saya dengan seorang psikolog klinis anak, dalam rangka menyelesaikan tugas, cukup menginspirasi saya untuk mengubah pandangan saya. Sejujurnya, hal ini pertama kali saya alami sepanjang perjalanan perkuliahan saya. Menurut beliau, alasan beliau memilih untuk menangani klien anak adalah efek yang diberikan akan jauh lebih banyak. Beliau beranggapan bahwa klien anak yang ditangani sedini mungkin akan memberikan efek positif yang berlangsung jauh lebih lama. Hal ini ada benarnya ketika dibandingkan menghadapi klien lansia yang efek positifnya cenderung berlangsung lebih singkat dibandingkan klien anak. Pernyataan ini cukup menginspirasi saya karena saya tidak pernah berpikir hal seperti ini sebelumnya. Namun, beberapa jam setelah wawancara tersebut, saya merasa bahwa pernyataan ini tidak sepenuhnya benar karena efek positif itu tergantung dari perasaan masing-masing individu. Mungkin saja seorang klien lansia merasakan efek positif yang lebih besar daripada klien anak. Sehingga, dapat dikatakan bahwa kualitas efek positif klien bisa lebih penting dibandingkan kuantitas berlangsungnya. Namun, kuantitas bukan berarti suatu hal yang bisa dilupakan begitu saja juga. Selain itu, bukankah semua klien memiliki kedudukan yang sama?

Selanjutnya, saya akan bergeser sedikit membahas mengenai psikolog klinis dewasa. Sejujurnya, saya tidak mendapatkan terlalu banyak hal yang benar-benar baru dari presentasi yang saya dengarkan di kelas. Saya sedikitnya sudah tahu seperti apa hal-hal yang mungkin saya hadapi nanti ketika menjadi seorang psikolog klinis dewasa melalui buku yang saya baca dan pengalaman yang sudah dibagikan oleh dosen-dosen Fakultas Psikologi Universitas Tarumanagara. Oleh karena itu, saya memutuskan untuk tidak membahas terlalu banyak mengenai hal ini. Menurut saya, hal yang paling penting yang saya butuhkan adalah pengalaman. Pengalaman untuk menjadi psikolog klinis dewasa tidak mungkin saya dapatkan selama menempuh pendidikan sarajana. Hal tersebut nanti saya dapatkan saat melanjutkan perkuliahan pascasarjana.

Namun, saya tetap menarik suatu pelajaran berharga dari presentasi yang saya dengarkan hari ini yaitu sebagai psikolog, kita harus tahu batasan kita sendiri. Jangan sampai kita merasa kelelahan ketika menghadapi suatu klien karena kita tidak membatasi diri kita dan terus menerus menerima klien. Selain itu, keterampilan-keterampilan seorang psikolog, khususnya wawancara dalam pembahasan ini, hanya dapat diasah melalui pengalaman. Oleh karena itu, jangan pernah menunda untuk melatih keterampilan wawancara kita. Kita perlu ingat bahwa waktu tidak bisa diputar kembali. Jangan sampai kita menyesal di kemudian hari karena kesalahan hari ini.

"You may delay, but time will not."

- Benjamin Franklin -

suatu "masalah" bagi pria

Ukuran penis menjadi salah satu kekhawatiran utama bagi banyak pria. Kekhawatiran ini wajar saja karena penis dianggap sebagai salah satu simbol maskulinitas, bahkan sejak zaman dahulu kala. Penggambaran penis sering terjadi dalam kesenian-kesenian purba. Penis selalu digambarkan dengan ukuran yang besar, mungkin masyarakat purba menganggap bahwa semakin besar penis, maka semakin besar kesuburan yang diberikannya. Pemikiran ini terbawa ke zaman modern dan membuat berbagai masalah dalam kehidupan pria.

Pria yang memiliki penis berukuran "kecil" sering dianggap tidak cukup maskulin, padahal belum tentu demikian. Kekhawatiran pria yang memiliki ukuran penis "kecil" mungkin serupa dengan kekhawatiran wanita yang memiliki ukuran payudara "kecil." Padahal, sebenarnya keduanya bukanlah suatu hal yang patut terlalu dikhawatirkan. Banyak pria berusaha untuk memperbesar penis yang terlihat terlalu "kecil" dengan berbagai  pengobatan, khususnya menggunakan pengobatan alternatif di Indonesia. Padahal, pembesaran penis bisa saja berbahaya bagi seorang pria. Hal ini serupa terjadi pada kaum wanita yang berusaha memperbesar payudaranya dengan menggunakan operasi plastik atau suntik silikon, padahal keduanya yang memiliki resiko tersendiri.

Menurut Zoya Amirin, M.Psi., ukuran penis pria tidak akan mempengaruhi terlalu banyak performa seksnya, kecuali jika penis tersebut memang terlalu kecil karena mengalami gangguan medis tertentu. Hal ini dapat dikonsultasi dengan dokter yang memang ahli dalam bidang reproduksi. Kekerasan penis menjadi faktor yang lebih penting dalam performa seks seseorang. Selain itu, beliau menambahkan bahwa sebenarnya letak g-spot dekat dengan mulut vagina, sehingga tidak perlu mempunyai ukuran penis sangat "panjang" untuk mencapainya.

Sebenarnya, penis yang terlalu besar bisa saja menyebabkan ketidaknyamanan bagi wanita saat berhubungan seksual. Vagina suatu organ yang elastis, tetapi mempunyai batasan tertentu. Sehingga, pria yang memiliki penis terlalu "besar" juga mempunyai permasalahan tersendiri. Akan tetapi, pemikiran bahwa penis yang "besar" adalah simbol keperkasaan merupakan suatu pemikiran yang sulit hilang begitu saja. Sebenarnya, masalah ini bisa saja dipandang sama dengan wanita yang menginginkan payudara yang berukuran "besar", suatu hal yang tidak terlalu vital, tetapi dianggap sebagai suatu hal yang sangat vital.

Pendidikan seks bagi pasangan yang sudah menikah sangat penting untuk menghilangkan mitos "ukuran penis terkait dengan kepuasan seksual" karena hal yang lebih penting adalah rasa cinta terhadap pasangan. Selain itu, variasi teknik seksual dapat digunakan untuk memberi warna dalam kehidupan seksual pasangan. Jadi jangan pernah ambil resiko untuk suatu hal yang belum jelas, khususnya pengobatan alternatif yang memang tidak ada bukti ilmiah. Jangan sampai datang ingin untung, pulang-pulang "buntung." Stay safe guys :)

The most important aspect of sex is love. You will still probably enjoy sex without love, but not as enjoyable as sex with affection to your spouse.

rasa penasaran memulai segalanya

Sebelum mulai menulis tulisan ini, saya sempat membaca beberapa tulisan dari rekan-rekan saya dari kelas Perilaku Seksual. Pada umumnya, mereka membahas mengenai cinta dan keintiman. Bagi saya membicarakan cinta dan keintiman adalah sesuatu yang sangat aneh. Dalam diri saya akan selalu muncul perasaan yang geli yang sulit untuk saya jelaskan ketika membahas mengenai hal tersebut. Akan tetapi, bukan berarti saya adalah orang yang tidak dapat merasakan cinta dan keintiman. Namun, saya merasa "bukan saya banget", ketika membahas topik mengenai cinta. Apa alasannya? Mungkin saja saya adalah seorang individu yang memilih untuk merasakan cinta tanpa perlu menuangkan makna cinta tersebut dalam suatu tulisan.

Hal ini menyebabkan saya memutuskan untuk melawan mainstream dan membahas mengenai suatu topik lainnya yaitu seks dan pendidikan seks.

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Manusia adalah makhluk seksual dan kita tidak bisa menyangkal kenyataan ini.

Manusia selalu merasa penasaran mengenai seks, tetapi pada saat yang bersamaan kita merasa tidak nyaman membicarakannya. Akan tetapi, pada saat ini, banyak sekali remaja Indonesia sudah pernah melakukan hubungan seksual, bahkan ada yang melakukannya secara rutin. Rasa penasaran membuat banyak remaja mulai mencoba melakukan hubungan seksual. Mereka memperoleh gambaran mengenai hubungan seksual melalui pornografi. Mereka ingin sangat penasaran terhadap sensasi yang dialami oleh para aktor dan aktris tersebut. Mereka ingin mencoba merasakan sensasi tersebut pada dunia nyata. Banyak remaja lainnya mendapat dorongan dari teman-teman sebayanya yang sudah berhubungan seksual secara rutin. Cerita-cerita dan mitos-mitos dari teman-teman sebaya tentu semakin menambah rasa penasaran dan juga keberanian mereka untuk melakukan hubungan seksual.

Rasa penasaran pun semakin bertambah ketika minimnya informasi mengenai seksualitas di sekitar mereka. Internet menjadi salah satu sumber informasi mengenai seksualitas bagi remaja. Akan tetapi, tidak semua informasi dari Internet itu adalah fakta, bahkan ada beberapa informasi yang cenderung menyesatkan. Orangtua yang merasa tidak nyaman membicarakan seksualitas dengan remaja sehingga tidak dapat diandalkan menjadi sumber informasi. Banyak orangtua merasa takut setelah membicarakan seksualitas dengan remaja, remaja tersebut akan menjadi terlalu aktif secara seksual. Padahal, banyak remaja berani melakukan hubungan seksual karena mereka tidak mengetahui resiko dari hubungan seksual tersebut. Tidak bisa dipungkiri memang ada remaja yang tetap berani melakukan hubungan seksual, meskipun mengetahui resiko-resikonya. Namun, menurut pandangan saya, lebih banyak lagi remaja yang tidak mengetahui resiko-resiko yang mengintai mereka. Sehingga, pemberian pendidikan seks kepada remaja sangat penting, diharapkan setelah memahami resiko-resikonya mereka dapat menunda hubungan seksual dan baru melakukannya setelah menikah.

Pendidikan seks pun suatu kontroversi tersendiri, salah satu pertanyaan terbesar adalah pendidikan seks seperti apa yang harus diberikan. Menurut Zoya Amirin, M.Psi., perkembangan seksual seseorang harus disesuaikan dengan usianya. Misalnya, remaja yang aktif berhubungan seksual layaknya suami-istri adalah perkembangan yang bermasalah. Mereka tentu tidak siap dengan resiko terjadinya kehamilan. Kehadiran bayi pada masa remaja akan menimbulkan masalah yang sangat banyak dalam kehidupan mereka. Selain itu, anak yang mengalami pemerkosaan pun juga akan mengalami perkembangan yang bermasalah. Alat reproduksi mereka masih belum berfungsi dengan baik dan timbulnya trauma bagi mereka dapat mempengaruhi keadaan psikologis korban. Hal ini membuat saya menarik simpulan bahwa pendidikan seksual yang baik sebaiknya mendorong perkembangan seksual yang lebih sehat bagi manusia. Ketika sudah terlanjur bermasalah diharapkan perkembangannya dapat terarah ke arah yang lebih sehat kembali.

Selanjutnya, menurut Henny E. Wirawan, M.Hum., Psi., pendidikan seks sebenarnya bisa mulai diberikan sedini mungkin tentu dimulai dari hal-hal kecil, misalnya mengajarkan anak untuk berpakaian terlebih dahulu sebelum keluar dari kamar mandi. Beliau juga menambahkan pendidikan seks terbaik berasal dari orangtua. Hal yang mengkhawatirkan ketika anak  memperoleh informasi yang salah dari orang yang salah pula. Istilah bisa karena biasa mungkin juga berperan dalam pendidikan seks. Jika anak sudah terbiasa berbicara mengenai seksualitas dengan orangtuanya, maka mereka pun bisa dengan nyaman bertanya mengenai seksualitas dengan orangtuanya. Misalnya, anak bisa saja dapat dengan nyaman bercerita mengenai teman-temannya yang sudah aktif berhubungan seksual. Anak tersebut juga dapat menyatakan rasa penasarannya mengenai hal tersebut. Orangtua dapat dengan mudah mencegah anak tersebut untuk melakukan hubungan seksual pranikah dengan menjelaskan resiko-resikonya. Namun, yang umumnya terjadi adalah ketika anak menghadapi suatu masalah terkait dengan seksualitas, anak jarang membicarakannya dengan orangtua. Mereka merasa malu dan tidak nyaman membicarakan seksualitas dengan orangtua. Mereka akan biasanya bertanya kepada teman-teman sebayanya atau mencari informasi melalui Internet yang belum tentu memberikan benar. Hal ini bisa saja berujung ke hal-hal yang tidak diinginkan, misalnya hubungan seks pranikah.

Simpulannya, orangtua tidak perlu malu lagi untuk berdiskusi dengan anaknya mengenai seksualitas karena seksualitas adalah bagian yang tidak terpisahkan dari manusia. Orangtua tidak perlu malu bertanya terhadap ahli yang benar-benar memahami tentang seksualitas ketika tidak memiliki pengetahuan yang cukup. Ahli tersebut dapat membantu orangtua untuk mengetahui apa yang sebaiknya diajarkan terhadap anak sesuai dengan usianya dan bagaimana menjawab pertanyaan dengan lebih baik. Sehingga, tidak ada alasan lagi untuk menunda pendidikan seks terhadap anak sedini mungkin karena perkembangan seksualitas anak sama pentingnya dengan perkembangan lain mereka.

Seksualitas ketika dibicarakan dengan terhormat dan pantas bukanlah sesuatu hal yang memalukan, tetapi hal penting yang perlu dipahami oleh semua manusia.

Penulis