prostitusi hmm...

Prostitusi adalah suatu fenomena yang rasanya tidak mudah dihapuskan. Fenomena ini sudah terjadi ratusan tahun dalam bentuk yang berbeda, mulai dari prostitusi keagamaan hingga yang terbaru yaitu fenomena "ayam kampus" di Jakarta. Rasanya faktor supply-demand salah satu yang mendorong terjadinya hal ini. Kemiskinan dan kepentingan "bisnis" orang tertentu mendorong terjadinya prostitusi. Selain itu, kita dapat melihat dengan banyaknya orang yang membutuhkan jasa prostitusi.

Tema pembahasan kelas Perilaku Seksual kali ini membuat saya teringat dengan artikel yang dibahas oleh Prof. Sarlito yang membahas tentang fenomena prostitusi di Indonesia. Sebenarnya, hal utama yang disajikan adalah cara berdemokrasi yang lebih "realistis". Akan tetapi, Prof. Sarlito membahas dari sisi fenomena prostitusi. Menurut beliau, lokalisasi alangkah baiknya ditata dengan baik dengan harapan pemantauan pekerja seks komersial (PSK) berjalan lebih baik. Pemantauan lebih baik diharapkan dapat menurunkan kemungkinan terjadinya penyakit menular seksual.

Pendapat Prof. Sarlito mungkin ada benarnya, tetapi saya dulu sempat membaca sebuah artikel kritikan terhadap legal red-light district di Belanda (ya! Belanda menganggap legal keberadaan red-light district). Menurut artikel tersebut, keberadaan red-light district menyuburkan perdagangan perempuan di Eropa. Pernyataan tersebut bila dipikirkan dengan baik sebenarnya cukup masuk akal.

Sebenarnya, hal paling penting kita menyadari bahwa setiap keputusan memiliki efek positif dan negatif. Hal yang terbaik yang kita lakukan adalah meminimalisir efek negatif. Akan tetapi, kita perlu menyadari bahwa mengambil sebuah keputusan bukanlah hal yang mudah. Memilih mau makan malam apa saja susah, apalagi mengatasi jasa prostitusi rasanya jauh lebih rumit...

Menurut saya, kelas Perilaku Seksual adalah kelas yang cukup menyenangkan. Akan tetapi, saya merasa bahwa banyak sekali penjelasan yang diungkapkan oleh teman-teman selama satu semester adalah suatu bentuk pengulangan *saya sudah pernah membaca buku Carroll sebelumnya sampai habis*. Namun, saya tetap senang karena banyak sekali ilmu-ilmu baru yang dijelaskan oleh Bu Henny. Sesungguhnya, saya curiga banyak sekali ilmu dari Ibu yang belum saya curi. Akan tetapi, saya tetap mengucapkan terima kasih atas pengalamannya selama satu semester dan saya berharap dapat bertemu Ibu di kelas yang berbeda. Saya tetap berharap mampu mengembangkan ilmu saya mengenai seksualitas manusia karena saya ingin sekali menjadi seorang psikolog-seksolog. Bagi saya sebagai psikolog-seksolog, saya dapat memhamai dengan lebih baik dinamika misterius seksualitas manusia. Terima kasih Bu... 

stress and sexual life

It is stressful to have sex right now and I'm sure it will be an unpleasant experience. Sadly, at the same time, my spouse will be quite sad if I say that I'm not in the mood of having sex. We don't desire sex because we are currently under stress, but at the same time when we are unable to fulfill our spouse's needs.

In my opinion, this thought will usually occur in the mind of most married woman.

Stress is a very common thing nowadays for woman. Work stress, financial stress, and raising children will accumulate together to form a large amount of stress. It wouldn't be surprising that most woman wouldn't be interested in sex because the stress they receive from daily life events. Man and woman's sex mechanics are quite different in certain way and the most important factor for woman's sex mechanics to work is psychological factor, besides testosterone. Testosterone is the hormone that gives a lot of contribution towards sex desire. The problem is woman lacks amount of testosterone. (Women that have too high amount of testosterone will have manly features.)  This is probably the reason why woman compensates it with psychological factors.

Less stress becomes very important for women to have a satisfying sex. It is very important for husbands to realize this. If the your couple becomes to stressful, then stop doing sex for a while, take time, go somewhere nice, and enjoy a romantic dinner for two. The main point is to do something else that will reduce your couple's tension. Enjoying a message will be a wonderful experience. Don't forget to communicate your problems you had to your spouse. After a relaxing time with your spouse, hopefully her sex desires would improve.

Psychological help will be needed if the stress doesn't fade, but this is a rare case because usually the main problem is that there are no effort from husbands to alleviate the spouses' stress. Also, remember that great sex means great love. Love without effort is like building a bridge without no one working to build one.

pedophilia?

Pedophilia is one of the most direst clinical psychology case in the world. It has a lot of impact towards the victim. The trauma caused by rape could last for a lifetime. Life will be very different after rape experience. Although psychologist work as hard as possible, we can only minimize the trauma effect. But, sadly most of us forget to treat the pedophilia suspect because of disgust towards them. In my opinion, this is a sad thing because they could sexually abuse children again after their release. So, treating them means that we could prevent the same thing to occur again.

Yes, we can't deny that it will hard treating pedophiles. It is very difficult to stop someone loving a certain person, I think we could apply the same thing towards pedophiles. They love children and trying to stop them loving children needs a lot of hard work. Pedophiles need to be accept their love towards children is wrong. They have to be willing to let go their own feelings for their own good.

We know the importance of treating the victim to improve their future. Yet, we need to remember that treating the culprit might help us to prevent the same thing to happen again. The best way is actually to improve our child protection law and not to forget to improve the implementation. All members of our society also need to be aware of sexual abuse that occur to children in their neighborhood. There's a chance a sexual abuse victim could become a pedophile in the future.

In the end, the most important thing is to protect our children and giving them the right sex education. We need to teach to protect certain areas of their bodies. We also need them to know they need to shout or run if someone touch those areas. Parent-child communication becomes very important for our children's future. Don't be shy and start communicating with your children.

a lesson learned from interviewing experience

Today was the final day for our Interviewing Technique class' interview roleplay. I'm still a bit surprised that I have finished the whole process that lasts for three weeks. We started the roleplay in office setting and after that we do it in the educational setting. We finish it with roleplay interview in clinical setting. Honestly, I had a weird feeling occur throughout the interview roleplay. Since for few months, I have been interviewing (or counseling) children from middle-to-low schools in Jakarta and Tangerang. I guess since I have been applying Interviewing Technique class' materials in real life, for me doing interview roleplay for me is a bit boring. I also think that when I was counseling children I have a different framework than what the class' materials told me. That's why during my first roleplay interview, I did a lot of mistakes. But, I can't deny that learning from Bu Henny helps me a lot in improving my interviewing technique skills.

The whole interviewing thing started around February when I decided to join the YCAB foundation. At that time, YCAB foundation is looking for volunteers that is willing to help children with problems. A chance to receive counseling experience during undergraduate studies interest me a lot. The YCAB foundation thought me about Satir Brief Therapy, a therapy that was created by Virginia Satir. This Satir therapy thing is going to be given to Master students of Tarumanagara University, especially the clinical psychology student. I heard this from my Counseling and Psychotherapy class lecturer Bu Denrich during last week class. I don't want to seem arrogant, but let's just say that I am one step ahead from plenty of Master students in Satir therapy area (or maybe not). *haha*

Let's get back to the interview roleplay before I start writing more about my experience in YCAB foundation. At the same time, I also can't deny that the roleplay helps me in certain area, especially in interview in office setting. I also happily accept Bu Henny's helpful tips throughout the 3-week roleplay interview help me to improve my behavior in interviewing process. But, I can't get it out of my mind the weird feeling of interviewing my own classmates. Now, let's stop talking about the roleplay interview.


During the last part, I would like to share my experience interviewing a lady I met in the boarding house for handicapped people. Actually, the reason I have to interview the lady is because the information that I recieved from the lady will be used for the Interview Technique class' final exam. Honestly, I feel a little bit angry against Bu Henny because I have so many assignments to do! *don't scold me Bu* But, she said that the reason for this assignment is to know how well is our interviewing skills. So, with a little bit grumpy feeling, I interview a 40-year-old lady I met in the boarding house one week ago. The lady have a very sad experience throughout her whole life. She lost her parents, she lost one of her legs, and she have no one to depend on. She tried to kill herself few times, but she survived the whole ordeal. I almost cry during interview, but thankfully I didn't. Whenever I felt crying, I always remind myself about Bu Henny's advice not to cry during the interview process. *thanks Bu Henny* Finally, she told me that although she until now feels very sad, she felt grateful and thankful that she was given a chance to live by God.

I learned a very valuable lesson from her that although how horrible your life is you should be grateful that you were still living until now. It was a chance given to us mankind by God to create a better future for ourselves. The roleplay interview and final exam assignment interview reminds me Bu Henny's past lesson. She told me that from every kind of interview, we could learn a valuable lesson to improve myself. To me, it was such a gratifying experience after finishing an interview process. I learn something from the interview to apply it to my life, so that I can have a better life for myself.

In the end, I would like to say thank you to Bu Henny for the Interviewing Technique class, the lady at the boarding house for handicapped people, and finally to my classmates at the Interviewing Technique class. I feel grateful for all your help throughout the whole process. Indeed what Karen Horney said,"Life may be the best therapist" because interviewing (or talking with) someone is an important part of our life, especially if you're a psychologist (or a soon-to-be).

the importance of communication between couples

Communication is a very important component in marriage. Conflicts and problems usually arise because of lack of communication between couples. Lack of communication range from daily life to sex life. We can't deny that sex life is very important for young married couples. Problems within sex life could cause arguments which sometimes leads into divorce. One of the most main problems in sex life is women's lack of sexual satisfaction. Although there are many other factors that contribute to lack of sexual satisfaction, the common reason is because women rarely reach orgasm. According Zoya Amirin, M.Psi., in some cases, women could still achieve sexual satisfaction without orgasm. But, I have to remind you that it only occur in some cases, it's quite rare.

There are so many reasons for lack of orgasm usually because of lack of foreplay. In some cases, the women's sexual script dictate her not to enjoy sex. In conservative countries like Indonesia, women's sexual satisfaction is usually shunned. Women are not allowed to enjoy sex at all because sexual satisfaction belongs to men. I think this is why communication between couples become very important. Just by saying that they don't get enough foreplay, women can easily solve the first problem. Yes, we can't deny that communating about sex is sometimes uncomfortable for certain people, but it can help a lot in building better sex life. Solving the second problem is much more tricky. Talking to their spouse about their desire to enjoy sex might help them a lot in achieving sexual satisfaction.

I think that every couple have the right to enjoy sex according to their needs. They can experiment with different sex position as long as they communicate with each other. Communication work wonders in improving sex life. Being creative is also very important in spicing up sex life. So, besides a lot of communication, a lot of creativity is needed in marriage.

So, what are you waiting for? Start communicating with your spouse and start being creative when you talk with your spouse. Remember that you need a lot of effort in a marriage. :)

revisiting interview in school setting: school psychologist?

Actually, I have written about this topic few weeks ago. So, it is rather weird to see me writing the same stuff again. The reason is because my lecturer reviewed the topic again to give better understanding during the Interview Technique class few days ago. The lecturer decided to review again the interview in daily life setting to give better understanding. I think the most interesting part is when the lecturer decided to talk about school psychologists.

School psychologist is a rare profession in Indonesia because for efficiency and simplicity most of school psychologists’ work is usually done by counselor teachers (guru Bimbingan Konseling). Sometimes, in some extreme cases, counselor teachers need to do a lot of stuff that have nothing to do with their job, for example in the past when my lecturer work as a counselor teacher, she have to message students that felt sick. Actually, the two of them have a very different job. Counselor teachers usually deal with administrative job and they usually counsel students with minor problems. They also need to teach in classrooms. School psychologists main job are almost similar to clinical psychologists, but of course they deal with problems in schools. School psychologists give counseling, they give simple therapies and create special curriculum for children with special needs after the recommendation from the children’s clinical psychologist or psychiatrist, they give counseling for school staff, and many more. They rarely have to attend classes because they have a lot of job to do in their office.

Honestly, I’m quite eager working in school setting as school psychologist. Sadly, most schools in Indonesia school psychologists are the same thing with counselor teachers. I hate working as counselor teachers in Indonesia. That is why I felt discouraged working in school setting and become more interested working as clinical psychologist.

In my opinion, there is urgency for schools in Indonesia to understand the difference between counselor teachers and school psychologists in order to have a better service quality. In the future, there might be a better understanding about school psychologist’s profession. But, for now, since there’s not much understanding about them, I have almost no interest working in the educational setting.

understanding HIV and AIDS

Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) is one of the most well-known viruses in the world. The virus is the main cause of acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS), a disease that progressively causes a problem towards humans' immune system. Problems in immune system might cause a lot of life-threatening virus or bacteria to easily attack humans. This disease until now is incurable, but it is still possible to prolong the victims' life through medical intervention. But, the victim's life could only be prolonged if the viruses haven’t caused the disease. This is why it is very important for us to be aware about the presence of this virus around us.

Although, HIV is a very dangerous virus, it can only spread through direct blood contact, for example blood transfusion, drug injection, sexual intercourse, breastfeeding, and contact to the open wound. There is no reason for us to discriminate someone living with HIV. They have their rights to live as normal as possible. As long as they are very careful with themselves, there is nothing to worry about them. Touching them is a possible thing, although directly touching their wounds is not advisable. But, the point is people with HIV is not as dangerous as we think about, they are actually as harmless as us if they take good care of themselves.

Preventing HIV is a very simple thing to do. Avoiding direct blood contact and having a healthy lifestyle such as avoiding free sex and drugs are the main points. We need to realize that discriminating people with HIV might cause their death. Loneliness caused by the discrimination might cause their immune system to be weakened. Weak immune system causes the HIV to spread more easily. Soon, life-threatening virus and bacteria will soon easily attack the victim's body. That is why some people say that it is not the HIV that kills the victims; it is the loneliness that kills them.

So, stay healthy and start having a healthy health style! Also, remember that people with HIV is not someone we should be afraid of. Yes, their disease is a very scary thing, but the victims are still ordinary human with their own feelings. :)